i'm screaming again, at the top of my lungs. i didn't expect you to notice, but was hoping you would.
moments dripping away into my empty hands one drop at a time...two hundred twenty three, two hundred twenty four.... i seem to be losing hope that there is someone to save me from this rain puddle.
i cant seem to find my umbrella (two hundred twenty five), that's the fourth time this week.
tired of these empty, clear drips.
tired of screaming at them
tired of .... me.

i get so nervous i'm shaking
gets so i got no pride at all
gets so bad but i just keep coming back for more
i guess i just get off on that stuff

i'm thnking about taking some time
i'm thinking about leaving soon

i got some things i can't tell anyone
i got some things i just can't say
they're the kind of things no one knows about me
i just need somebody to talk to me

i'm thinking about leaving tomorrow
i'm thinking about being on my own
i think i been wasting my time
i'm thinking about getting out

in all this time
the bottom line's you don't know how much i feel
you say you see but i don't agree
you don't know how i feel

i'm just trying to get myself some gravity
you're just trying to get me to stay
sometimes i sit here looking down upon Los Angeles
sometimes i'm floating away

i'm thinkin about breaking myself
i'm thinking about getting back home
i think i been waiting for way too long
i'm thinking about getting out
-A.Duritz

you summed it up just right. you always do.
what are my scrap metal thoughts whipped in a blender,
you turn into a real piece of art and beauty.
so i ask you...what else is there for me to say ?

one night of extensive sexuality, sensuality,
shared with strangers and another one of my own beings
let l o o s e
to shake
to sway
to move the way i was made to
to the unavoidable beat of the human heart and soul

what a night
what a feeling

There has to be a change, I'm sure
Today was just a day fading into another
And that can't be what a life is for
-Adam Duritz

you carried my stuff when i went to the beach
you took me and katie on our "nugget runs"
you watched as i grew
you helped the costumes crew go fabric shopping
you watched me and gma alice go to duluth
you sat quietly as when i had my first kiss
you accepted my singing with the tapes and radio
you cumforted me while i cried
you showed me all around the state
you brought me to work on time
you took me to school everyday
you always took good care of my friends
you strengthened my relationships
you took good care of her, too
you were my first car.
you will be with me forever

happy trails, Silver.
sorry i had to let you go.

standin’ here starin’ at your name
wonderin’ where’d you go
you burned hotter than a flame but
you didn’t burn too slow
i can feel you sometimes
when you’re spinnin’ round and round
even when you’re gone you still make that sound
somehow
-2ndhandstone

i'm weak and afraid.
tired and ashamed. i don't know whats become of me
of what i've made of ... (?)
you've inspired a life of art. inspiration.
what you write, it touches me in ways- . . . i . . . i . . .
i've turned again.
lost in my oblivion
my daily life of drivel - wheres the art?
oh yes, everything is art.
i hear you. can't see you.
think my eyes are closed again.
can't keep them open
i'm too tired from all this- l i v i n g
suddenly, it's hard to breathe.
wish i had the strength to leave everything
just end the maddness.
sleep, take me eternally away.
so i can remember what dreamland smells like

why is it SO hard for me to figure out a schedule?!
why is it SO hard to only do one thing at a time?!
why is it SO hard to keep dates and times straight- and not plan 10,000 things on one day?!
my god.

here, tap-dance on my soul.

'beautiful'
Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today
-christina aguilera

Unbelieveably restless
Not interested
Maybe things will turn up
Or maybe they wont
Tired of everything
I don't give a crap
Vixen
Afraid of my dreams
Thinking negatively
Extreamly lonely
Desperate for a change

i never know how to feel in the hospital.
happy because we've got the technology and mind advancements that allow us to cure and heal, or at least treat any ailments or sicknesses that may arise (or aflicted) upon ourselves.
or to feel sad that there is so much pain and suffering still occuring within it's walls. people not being treated or helped. people who can't pay for the help. people who are tired of fighting.
took my brother there today. he stepped on some glass, cut up his second-smallest toe and sliced right through the side of his foot, making a "lovely" tunnel of skin. watched the doctor stitch it all up and clean it all out. they've got stomachs of steel. reminded me of how accidents can arise when you least expect it.
life is unscripted. like art.

i feel like the earth, spinning around the same ball of fire
attached to a hanger by some glue and some wire

if only i could be cut loose and fly off into space
experience the universe and get out of this place

Fading everything to black and blue
You look a lot like you'd shatter
In the blink of an eye
But you keep on sailing right on through
Every time you say you're learning
You just look a lot like me
Pale under the blistering sky
White & red black & blue
You've been waiting a long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
But fall asleep next to me
Wait for everyone to go away
And in a dimly lit room
Where you've got nothing to hide
Say your goodbyes
Tell yourself we'll read a note that says,
"I'm sorry everyone.
I'm tired of feeling nothing. Goodbye."
Wash your face Dry your eyes
Cause you've been waiting a long time
To fall down on your knees
Cut your hands
Cut yourself until you bleed
But fall asleep next to me
And have a dream
I'm falling down on my face
I scrape my knees
I scrape my hands until they bleed
Cause you're fast asleep next to me

-Adam F. Duritz
Coutning Crows

I'm sorry i'm a burden to you and the beautifuL being you are. i'm sOrry i didn't call you this weekend. i'm sorry i can't tell you how much i loVe you. i'm sorry i can't explain to you why i run. i'm sorry because i know you undErstand and i still cant say. i'm sorry You're dangling at the end of your rOpe and i'm not doing my part to help you. i'm sorry my words don't touch you like yoUrs do to me.
i'm sorry these apologies aren't what you want to hear.